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Excerpts from Disorder in the American Courts
  • ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
  • WITNESS: Yes.
  • ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
  • WITNESS: getting laid
  • ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
  • WITNESS: Oral.
  • ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
  • WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
  • ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
  • WITNESS: No.
  • ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
  • WITNESS: No.
  • ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
  • WITNESS: No.
  • ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
  • WITNESS: No.
  • ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
  • WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
  • ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
  • WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
  • See more at http: //www.owensworld.com/jokes/read-95.htm.

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