RISE AXELBLOG

So last week I lost.  Not to Alex, though, but more like losing to Hurricane Ike.  There wasn’t enough time for me to switch my defense(Texans) before the games locked once I realized the Baltimore-Houston match-up was postponed.  So, I lost by a heartbreaking 3 points.  Fuckin’ Anquan Boldin!

This week I go up against Salvador Silva’s team El Jefe (Spanish for The Jefe…I’m a genius).

• QB Eli Manning:  Big deal, you won ONE Superbowl.  You don’t see me trying to draft Brad Johnson do you?
• RB Brandon Jacobs: Big deal, you won ONE Superbowl.  You don’t see me trying to draft Mike Alstott do you?
• RB Chris Johnson:  Your name is like your ability to accumulate fantasy football points, GENERIC.
• WR Randy Moss:  You had a good year last year but now you look like you are back to that old Oakland Raider form.
• WR DeSean Jackson:  More like DeSean Lacks-an ability to properly negotiate the distance between himself and the goal line.  Next week spike a ball on your own 30 yard line just to throw everyone for a loop.
• WR Patrick Crayton:  Patrick Crayton is such a little part of the Cowboys’ offense that Jerry Jones has started to charge him for tickets to the game.  At least TO buys popcorn.
• TE Heath Miller: You would be better off with a Heath Bar and a Miller Genuine Draft.  Although the carbs might get to you later.
• Def Titans: I’m surprised Vince Young is the ONLY one to be so depressed about playing for the Tennessee Titans.  Their defense makes Jeff Fisher want to cut his wrists.
• K Jason Hanson:  Ask anyone.  Taylor was the ONLY good Hanson brother.  Mmmbop!

Wish me luck folks.